No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
