I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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