girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
