Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
