This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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