Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
