Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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