Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Life is so much better after having sex.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
