So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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