at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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