I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Your dad touched me again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
