I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
