Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
