i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He felt like a one man threesome
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
