He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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