whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
