So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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