The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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