omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
