That's intense
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
