i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
