Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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