eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
