I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
