Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its liver damage thursday
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