..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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