Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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