I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
