Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize