he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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