Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
