Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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