everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
