I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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