I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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