He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
