He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
