i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize