You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
