I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
