12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
