Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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