You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize