I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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