I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
