a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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