I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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