I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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