yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
