Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Quick, to the slutcave!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
