i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
