im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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