I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
