Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
are you so shy because you have an std?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
