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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
