he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
