you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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