Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
