I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize