Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
