1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
