Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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