Swine flu. Run for my life!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
only if we run a train.
done.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
