Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you inspire me to be a worse person
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
