I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
