So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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