saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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