did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
