But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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