Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
