i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
